please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
