You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
