I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We have started to decorate penises.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
