It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
