Can i not drive my cunt home
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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