Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
