I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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