I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
