Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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