He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
