So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
