I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
