he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
