My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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