i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
