I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
True strength comes from lack of pants
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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