Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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