you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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