Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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