guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
