I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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