went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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