I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
