i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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