I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
