Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
