We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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