Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
