Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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