theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
