just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
