Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
