I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
