he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
