The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
