It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
