Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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