so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Are we still banned from the library?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
