She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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