All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
