eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
