every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
