I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
