I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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