I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
