Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
