I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
