She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
barbara walters just said penis...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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