Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
