Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
