yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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