so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
