she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
