Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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